i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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