He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
