My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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