i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
