The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
