you mean i was at the winter classic?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
