Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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