I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
