I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
