so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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