Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
