rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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