Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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