Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize