also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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