idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
