you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
