Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
