my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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