I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
