well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
