I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
