How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
