My nipple is on Facebook.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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