I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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