I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
