Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
