I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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