There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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