Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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