New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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