he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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