Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
