The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
