had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
