my phone needs a breathalizer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
