Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
