I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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