We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
