oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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