the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
