she looked like the before picture.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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