Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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