I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize