It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
