omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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