There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
