im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
