i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize