How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
