is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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