she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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