im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
