its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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