oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
as a side note pls kill me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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