I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
