i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
