So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
