Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
