I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
