i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
