Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
