fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
