AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
