he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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