Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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