where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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