I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
