I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
