Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
