I CAN MOONWALK!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
