how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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