I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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