Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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