She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
