Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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