You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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