I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
