You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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