I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
