last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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