i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
