Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He did a backflip because drugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
