I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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