Only a mothe r could love this liver
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
